Have You Ever Seen a Chicken's Nugget?

Have you ever wondered what could possibly be in our fast food? I mean really wondered. Not that crap about how fatty it must be, or how much salt. I mean how often do you see a rat or an alley cat around McDonalds? You'd think they'd flock there with all the free food out back. Somebody somewhere must have said, "Hey. I have an idea. My neighbor has this really annoying calico named Fluffinator. Just hear me out.."

McDonalds and other fastfood joints are starting to advertise in my movie theatres. (Yes. Mine. I held the place up by gunpoint and made them write my name in paint on the front door. "Oh yeah, I don't see your name on it." *points* "Right there, bitches.") I find this as a gross violation of my movie going experience. I sit through the previews to see poorly made advertisements showing the best parts of the shittiest movies starring some half naked chick, an ugly dude who for some unknown reason teenage girls masterbate to, and that deep voiced smoker guy telling me about "In a time when crime runs rampant.. one man stood against all odds.." NOT "So. See that crap in your lap you're about to digest that you paid 59 dollars for that costs about 30 cents to make? Yeah, you're a fat ass. You should come to McDonalds afterward. Buy 10 Big Macs get a free heart by pass. Offer while supplies last."

Speaking of voices, ever watch those late night informercials? I have decided that Billy Mays could be the most annoying man on the face of the earth. You know the guy, he pitches Orange Glo, Oxyclean, Mighty Putty and Hercules Hooks.. pretty much anything a stay-at-home mother from the 50's could dream of...

"BILLY MAYS HERE WITH OXYCLEAN, THE MIRACLE CLEANER THAT CAN REMOVE AN ENTIRE BODIES WORTH OF BLOOD FROM YOUR LIVING ROOM CARPET! WE TOOK THIS HOOKER AND SLAUGHTERED HER 12 HOURS AGO. JUST LOOK AT THAT MESS! JUST ONE SCOOP OF OXYCLEAN AND YOU CAN SAY GOODBYE TO FORENSIC EVIDENCE!"

That guy. I had a scary thought today. If that's his "indoor voice", can you imagine what his outdoor voice must be like? He's probably able to be heard from space. Or at least as far as amish country. Hell, maybe the Amish use him as a phone system.

"BILLY MAYS HERE FOR AMISH BARN 12, JEBEDIAS SAYS HE NEEDS 11 NEW COWS AND A FULL STOCK OF WOOL!! YOU KNOW WHAT GETS YOUR WOOL WHITER THAN WHITE? AMISH SACRIFICE RITUALS IN A POOL OF OXYCLEAN!"

Meh.. I'm done..

SLATFATF
~Å~

Oh, and to any of you had the fleeting thought of "That's so mean, what if someone Amish reads that..." I want you to go and slap yourself. Hard.