Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Boredom: Mother of Invention

I decided to pick this up again, admittedly, it was a bit fun being sarcastic in a place easily accessible. October, as anyone who knows me and reads this (so... no one...) already knows, is my favorite month of the year. The weather (at least in Texas) starts changing, Halloween is right around the corner, I get to decorate the house, and the telly plays spookeh-moovehs 24-7. What is not to love?! (Unless you are a person who gets sick from the weather changing, think Halloween is the devil's holiday, and abhore gore... so... probably that big fat dude that does documentaries. Michael Moore. That's the guy. Man, almost typed Roger Moore o_O; ).

I was going to do a Halloween costume this year, get me a little red riding hood outfit, add a torn throat, some slashes and gashes, fuck up my hair, add some fake leaves, tear up some fishnets, and bam. Little Dead Riding Hood. Big bad wolf got me. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get a break in the finances, so frivolous spending is out the window. Much like fun. And laughter.

I can't even fund myself a punkin' to carve. How sad is that? I should draw a picture of a punkin all carved up and put a wanted sign outside of my house. Add it to the decorations... Man that made me depressed just reading that.

I really was gonna say something meaningful in this post, but I got a bit sidetracked throwing myself a Halloween Pity Party... It's lonely when you're the only one at the party... for pity... for yourself... cause you can't get a needless holiday related item (or 2). Wow, I sound like a spoiled brat, lol. In my mind I just went "There are people starving in Africa!". Do you think people in Beverly Hills say things like, "There are people who can't get a slutty costume this year, Jessica, think about those poor people down in Texas!"...

Yeah Jessica. You fucking spoiled bitch.


p.s. I feel guilty every time the place I think of as "unfortunate" ends up being Africa. There are plenty of other places where people don't have food, shoes, or education... like Alabama.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Devil.

I was looking at my email, when something I would have normally ignored caught my eye. It was this.


You can imagine my horror once I found that -the- Billy Mays (of Amish Barn 12) had moved on to bigger and better things, namely life insurance. I shudder at the thought of seeing one of these commercials air.

Think about it. Life insurance (like coseco direct, wait no, colonial life, wait no, conseco direct, wait no, colonial life.. (they keep flipflopping between names since I watched price is right with my grandmother at the tender age of 4)) is aimed towards the elderly. Health insurance offers multitudes of branches, including life. Can you imagine ↑ THIS GUY ↑ at nine in the morning, screaming at your Nana at the top of his lungs:


You get the idea. Poor Nana will die, instantly, in her lazy boy, coffee and english muffin still warm next to her cooling, rigid form. What a way to go.

Meh, I should put him on my hitlist.


Friday, January 23, 2009

No, you love -me- more

I was talking to someone earlier today about the expression of interest. We both came to the conclusion that it'd be nice to be the pursued instead of the pursuer once. This made me wonder, what happens if you get two people together who are of the same type; pursuer with pursuer or pursued with pursued. (Look. I used a fucking semicolon. Go do a goddamned happy dance, Felipe.)
Do the two pursued just stare at each other all day? Waiting for one or the other to make a move?

"He's totally crazy about me. I'll just sit and wait for him to come to me."

"Oh yeah, she's into me, I can tell. Won't be long til she walk on over and practically begs for it."

-(3 hours pass, both leave wondering -
- how they could have been so wrong)-

What about in the case of the pursuers? Do they they struggle to figure out which is the aggressor? Or does something opposite happen, like they both bring each other to climatic heights of desire for one another?

Meh, Interesting concept..


Thursday, January 15, 2009

Donner Party of 3, Donner Party of 2..

Why is it that guys are the way they are. Hear me out. I know that girls are the queens of saying one thing and meaning another, but guys don't even give you that much to interpret. I have to weed though all this ninja-like poking and proding just to try and figure out what their alterior motive is. That was one thing I really liked about Conrad. He was pretty straight forward when it came to his thoughts. It was kinda refreshing. Guys are far too worried about their appearance, whether they look weak, whether they look macho, whether they look desirous or whatever other option you wanna list here. Girls, on the other hand, are selfish. Think of any sentence, and find a way to make it all about you and in an insulting way, you'll have the reason why guys never know how they offended girls. Take any situation, and twist it so you can benefit from it in some way, you'll have why girls do the things they do. Guys are simple creatures in comparison, but sometimes, it's exhausting weeding through the bullshit. If you want to know if a girl is interested, flat out fucking ask her. You'll find out pretty damn fast. If she laughs in your face, guess what, she was a fucking cunt anyways, and you wouldn't want to be with her. She'd dump you for the next hot thing with a paycheck that came her way. Otherwise, they'll either be really nice about it, or they'll bite. So stop poking around, finding out what their plans are, but not asking to fill in a slot in their schedule until they take the step first.. some girls don't ever fucking take that step. Then guess what, you may have lost out on a great fucking girl.

P.S. For creatures so preoccupied with their balls, you'd think you guys would grow a pair.